Snapshots of Life - Doing Right by Each Other

 I was listening to this as I typed this  post and can highly recommend it if a smile on your dial is what you need right now!

I was walking out of a cafe the other day, juggling my wallet and keys in one hand and my coffee and bagel in another. On the other side of the glass door, I spotted an adorable couple. Both seemed to be in their early 80's but going by the air they exuded, they could have well been in their 20's and taking a walk in Florence midst the fresh Spring flowers. In that moment when I spotted them, they were absolutely lost in each others company and smiling over something she said. What really melted by heart though was this - the old gentleman was holding her hand in one hand and her handbag in the other. "I want that," I thought. One day...I really do want that. 

This isn't a photo of  'my couple'. But they sure are cute too! #Oldlove

Anyway, I shook myself out of my reverie long enough to put my things down on a nearby table and open the door for them. The gentleman thanked me and his wife looked up with twinkling eyes to do the same. He saw me pick up my stuff as I went to head out, paused and said, "Let me get the door for you, young lady. You did right by us and I'll do right by you," he said in a thick Australian drawl.  "I'll do right by you". What an absolute great way of verbalizing an act of reciprocation!

That truly made my day. And got me to thinking about  a whole lot things but mainly about acknowledging not just actions, but kind words and thoughts as well. The idea of doing right by each other not just for the sake of returning a favour, not because it's dignified but because in the scheme of things it really might be the silver lining in someone else's bad day. Of not being shy about thanking kind strangers or even the overworked snappy ones and reaching out regularly and letting loved ones know that you know that they are there and what they do for you, matters. Of not just being the recipients of good things but they initiators too. Be it an inspiring message for the downtrodden, a care package for someone who's sitting exams, or just a cup of coffee made exactly the way someone likes it. Unexpected treats and remembrances are the best!

More than words, and sometimes in the absence of them, affection is something that is all too clear in the things loved ones do for us. Coming from quite an expressive family I sometimes fail to read the silences but after a particular incident, it is something I am conscious of now.  I had just finished telling my 'Yemeni Guru' a particularly 'whiney' story about a weekend I had spent with a highly strung aunt. We just functioned on such different levels and I constantly felt that I was disappointing and frustrating her. Because she isn't the type to verbalize her 'softer' emotions, I also felt that she didn't particularly like me. My friend listened to my complaints and calmly asked me to repeat the things my aunt had done for me, especially in my early Australian days. The list was quite long. "Is that not love? Everything she's done, is that not out of a place of where you are loved?". I could only answer in the positive. To this day and probably till the end of my days, I will be greatly indebted to my wise friend for showing me the error of my ways because I chose then to write a heartfelt email to my aunt, thanking her not just for the weekend but for everything she did for me. She was leaving for a holiday the next day and one she had to cut short because of health complications. She was diagnosed with breast cancer about a month after I sent that email. Two harrowing years later, she is on the path of recovery and is in remission. I can only wonder what our relationship would be like today had I not been able to see the love in her actions. Right now, we share a great relationship, one in which I know that regardless of how she comes  across, she really is one of the kindest indviduals I have ever met.

The reward for simply getting out of our own humdrum for a while and just doing 'right' by each other is immense. Doing right by simply recognizing the effort others put in. Life truly is way too short to not to. If the conspiracy theorists have it right, the Mayan calendar ends in 2012 (:p) and the ones that you love should never know the painful doubt of wondering if you do.

That's me for today. Exam week is upon me but I wish everyone nothing but the best for the remainder of a pretty lil season called Spring.

The Carpet That Was Actually a Wishing Well

Firstly, Happy Spring! With this new season, I have decided to shed unnecessary pressure and set realistic goals instead.  Because I am currently short on time and lack an organised approach to writing and editing, I have decided to do something that comes more easily to me and that doesn't require much effort. I think I'm going to call it my 'Snapshots from Life' series. I don't know if I am going to be consistent yet but I do like the idea of recording one of two incidences from my daily life that have made a mark on my memory. 

Coming up to graduation now, I am almost nostalgic and want to record my favourite memories from College that I might otherwise forget. The first one that I can think of dates back to my first year of Law School. It was also my first semester and after receiving a somewhat disappointing grade on my essay, I made an appointment to see my lecturer to get feedback and tips on improvement. He was and actually still is one of my favourite academics by virtue of how approachable he is. We had been conditioned to lecturers that would drone on from behind their lecterns, their faces pale against the white screen projecting neatly typed and formatted notes. But not him. He of the jovial manner, would almost flounce into class (almost always late) and go about talking about Contractual cases as if they were bedtime stories complete with flow charts. He asked questions and answered the ones we asked with good humour  peppered with personal anecdotes about his work experience, life, kids etc. All with not one Powerpoint presentation in sight. He convinced us that an academic - world class in his case-  could be a genius and still be down-to-earth. A rare occurrence in Law school.  Someone from that Contracts class actually started a Fanpage on Facebook and I'm sure we were all on it by the end of week 2. 

At any rate, I don't know what I expected his office to look like, and honestly speaking I was still pretty hung up on my essay to think of little else, but I have yet to come across another such personal space. As I walked in, I noticed a suitcase that was practically exploding on the chair by the door. He waved in the direction of the suitcase that looked more like Marry Poppins carpet bag because of the sheer amount of things it was holding, telling me he'd just gotten back from a conference in Singapore.  He'd been back for a fortnight now but the suitcase was still there. Waiting to be taken home and imploding with ties and teabags (?) in the mean while. There were bookshelves that were used for anything but. I think I remember a pair of trainers just casually chilling out on the Pine shelf.  I noticed what would become my favourite piece of his office hysteria as I went to sit down - the carpet surrounding this learned gentleman's table was literally covered in coins. As if it were a wishing well. A coin for each time he'd ask the universe to ensure he wouldn't forget something perhaps. I went to pick a couple to put back on his table. He told me not to bother as he usually picked them up when he went out for a coffee and couldn't find coins anywhere. The logic in our age of wallets eludes me so I'm sticking to my wishing-well story instead. 

I'll be honest, I just wanted an excuse to post a photo of Dylan Moran here.

He ended up giving me some great feedback not just about my essay but also about how to deal with the pressure of Law School. Definitely one those lecturers that could define or change the attitude of his students not just towards a subject but life in general. My time slot was up before I knew it and just as I was closing the door behind me, I saw him blankly staring at his bookshelf almost expecting it to throw something at him as the coins on the carpet caught the fading rays of the setting sun and gleamed farewell. I couldn't help but smile as I closed the door on the absent minded professor.  

A Better Version of Me - In Pursuit of the Ideal

"If you are irritated by every rub, how will your mirror be polished?” 

                                                                                                                                                                  Rumi

 Critique and growth is a good thing. Got it. But my question to the great guru, if he were alive to answer it, would be, how do you accept your current - perhaps a bit smoggy- mirror as you work towards attaining a polished one? 

I'd like to think I am a better person today than I was a couple of years ago. More wiser, more open to the world and the ideas of the people in it. Well, here's hoping! There's a quite voice within me that drives me to new endeavours to say nothing of the inspiring books, programmes and life coaches on TV who tell me that improvement is key. That there is ALWAYS room for it. I do agree with this sentiment until recently when I realised that this constant need to become a better person sometimes shifts the spotlight on the person I'd like to be to such an extent, that I stop appreciating the person I already am. That amongst the list of things I to do, things to eat, to read, habits I need to pick up and vices I need to kick, I miss the only thing that is real in this whole scenario - Me. I lose the ability to look at and accept myself for who I am at the present moment, knowing that there are so many things that need to be done before I can be a version of myself that resembles my ideal. 

Tony Robbins - Keepin' it Real 

I don't remember always feeling this way so I don't think it's innate. Maybe it's conditioning, maybe it's the social environment, or just unrealistic expectations. Which is why kids are so amazing! I don't know if i'm romanticising childhood but to me, kids appear to bumble along not knowing how they could be better. Living for the day and all that. Yea, I can do that too. Living for the day is easy, accepting yourself at the end of it, is where the problem lies for me. How the best version of myself, is just there, on the horizon if I only just worked harder, procrastinated less, slept on time, woke up earlier, etc etc. I only started thinking this recently as I was drafting yet another exercise programme for myself. I've been working towards an 'ideal figure' for the past couple of years now. I fall off the bandwagon once semester starts, and suddenly exercise and diet really don't feature on my priority list.  There are others who do it, and do it well. And perhaps there is an element of laziness on my part. I get that, I  either need the ability to forgive myself for it or the motivation to make a change if it is bothering me all that much.   

Ultimately, striving towards a goal and getting better at this thing called life is a good thing. I just now know that I don't work well under pressure. That while expectations are a good thing, talking to yourself kindly as you work towards them is just as important. This reality check was sponsored by a daydream - as I was tying the laces on my trainers, thinking about all the weight I needed to lose, I asked how I could accept myself, as I was in that present moment, knowing that there was room for me to be a better person? It got me to thinking about the person I imagine to be in the future, AND how she almost looks nothing like me, and how scary that was! That my notion of the ideal wasn't even built around an image of me anymore. It really did bring me to the present moment, devoid of all the 'should be's, and all the contingencies. And it was reassuring in that moment, to realize that I was actually genuinely happy to be me. And that I needed to think this more often. I always thought I was quite aware of how far I'd come but really all I spent my time thinking about was how far I had to go. I also knew I needed to record this somewhere. Hence this post.

So essentially, there were no '10 steps to loving yourself' for me. It was just a moment of quiet clarity and self-reflection, empty of all the white noise and  thoughts of everything I thought I should be doing. I wish everyone similar realisations. For my part, I know that while improving and growth are a part of life, I need to check in with myself, not 'sometimes', but everyday to give some self-approval.   Sometimes all we really need to do is recognise the friend in the mirror.

This post has wandered off into the realm of 'life coaching'. So here's a song to keep it interesting :D

A Note from the Universe

"Touchdown confirmed. We are safe on Mars"

The latest landing on Mars is something that I'll remember for some time. It was one those moments that took me out of the daily humdrum and reminded me that there is quite literally a  whole universe out there. It was an incentive to disengage from my own life for a while, look up to the heavens and recognise that I am a part of something bigger - that I'm part of both the universe and the collective that is constantly trying to decipher it. That while there is so much that is unknown, there is so much that is. That everyday, we're pushing the borders. That humanity as a race is exploring, that we are still curious, that while we are reaching new peaks everyday, we are still seeking enlightenment. 

It's reassuring to know that while I'm blocking my diary with assignments and essays, there are engineers and scientists who are working on such projects. Thousands of individuals putting in so much effort to conquer yet another frontier. I personally can't thank them enough. Their work serves as a reminder that we've come so far. From once thinking that the earth was flat to rejecting the notion that it was the center of the universe. To discovering there is water on the moon. To landing on Mars a couple of times with the latest rover called 'Curiosity'. It's been quite a ride! 

"I like to think of them out there in the dark, watching us. Sometimes we'll do something and they'll laugh. Sometimes we'll do something and they'll cry. And maybe, one day we'll do something so magnificent, the whole universe will get goosebumps."

(A favourite excerpt that examines humanity from an alien's perspective. From "The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe' by Jane Wagner)

Sing to Me, Dreamer...

Sometime close to the beginning of they year, I declared to my parents that regardless of where life would find me in December, I’d visit a dear friend in Kuwait. She is quite the soul sister and now that she's moved back, nothing seemed better than seeing her in her part of the world. I also started reading up on  an ancient mystic poet by the name of  Rumi,  and it suddenly became imperative that I visit this Sufi’s tomb. So Turkey was also added to the itinerary. It was the best thing I’d planned for myself in a long while. Encouraged by my parent's input I started planning the trip, thinking up vague details in my head. Suddenly my  summer plans started following me around like a rainbow that only I could see. Life was good.

 Dreaming or the ability to do so = the best thing!

 For some reason or the other, things have come to be that this plan is no longer feasible. I only had a month of thinking about it before I woke up to the stark reality of logistics and the like. It was fun dreaming of doing this but I also knew that I wanted to take this trip when I was financially able and capable of doing so on my own. It would mean much more then. Perhaps I’d always known that  this ambition wouldn’t be all that feasible until I started working, but the vestiges of the child in me dismissed anything that smacked of practicality and finance. But the rational side of me inevitably took over. I didn’t really notice when I stopped, but one day I stopped thinking about this trip altogether. It happens.

But a couple of days ago, I was watching a movie set in Turkey, and it hit me – I’d not only stopped thinking about this trip, I’d stopped dreaming about it. I had stopped imagining the possibility of it. Is this what grown ups call growing up? When we start viewing and limiting dreams through the frames of practicality. Weighing everything up, deciding if something is feasible before allowing ourselves to  imagine it? A form of self-preservation perhaps. The fall won’t hurt so much if we stop climbing mid-way. But when did I start worrying about falling? When did just imagining something suddenly become so scary? I suddenly started hankering for the days of yore, of happy childhood days. When dreams were untainted by ‘reality’. When they were as big, beautiful and unpractical as the stars twinkling in the night sky.

Thinking about this has been good for me. I’ve made peace with the part of myself that requires rationality for everyday decisions. But I’m reclaiming my ability to dream unhindered and free from limitations. Surely, they exist in two different realms for a reason. Imagine if the innovators, the writers, the dreamers if you will, allowed their reality to limit their dreams. Would they be able to imagine as well as they did in the framework of 'what was' as opposed to 'what could be'? Reality has its part, but it can do so much for me. It can’t help me imagine the warm Konya sun on my back. Or the experience of smoking a sheesha in a legit Turkish market, over loud bargains and a hot mint tea. Yea, even if it is the globe trotter in me, I’ve started dreaming again. Keeps things interesting. 

The Sum of All Effort

I can’t believe it’s been almost a year since I wrote last. But a glance at my old posts assures me that it has indeed been an age since I did. So much has happened in the meanwhile; my brother got married, my best friend did the same, my nieces can now string words into cohesive sentences, nearly all my friends from undergrad entered their 3^rd year of working life… and almost all of them are travelling to exotic places. And I’m most assuredly happy for all of them. Although, I’m sure on a bad day I’d envy everyone in the above list (I mean, who wouldn't be envious of my baby nieces who can not only do the 'adorable talk' but also ballet their worries away??!) but in this moment sitting here in a lakeside café, I’m just happy to be me. Good ol’ “ambling-through-life” me. A part of me does balk at the word ‘ambling’, because it denotes a sense of slowness and life right now is anything but. Maybe I should just change it to something positive like “stopping to smell the flowers” or the more fitting “procrasta-living"? hmmmm. High on chai latte and incapable of making any executive decisions maybe I’ll keep them all. “Ambling through life and smelling the flowers sometimes, but mostly just procrastinating”. Yea, let’s go with that. 

So where does the beginning of August find me? Third week into my final semester of law school that’s where. The semester that will decide the sum of all my efforts so far. Cue last semester blues – all kinds of self-doubt, "how did it get late so soon?, should I have majored in Anthropology and Literature as an undergrad? would it have served me better? Is the big Law firm really for me?" etc etc. Feeling decidedly overwhelmed with the colossal amount of work I have to do and the places I have to apply to. If only awareness and knowledge of my "to-do" list could guarantee action! I’d definitely make a good case study for sociologists wanting to research the ‘knowledge-action’ gap. Cue - worrying, staying up late, waking up late, making lists, getting worried because of list, wondering why i'm still in college and trying to snooze my chores away. Sum of total effort or lack thereof, most definitely equals zero. Stress and worry have me physically paralysed.Yay, to self-awareness!

So how did today, turn out not to be such a bad day? Well, maybe it’s because I leveled with mother dearest on the phone. I told her everything that I had to do.  And she told me the order in which I should do them.  Maybe that’s the secret. Maybe we (or maybe just me) need our mothers to tell us what to do until we get a handle on life again.  I also just called myself ‘Bambi’ as typed that. Yea I’m having a Bambi day, but that’s ok, because doe eyed deers are cute. Being told what to do gave me some respite from actually thinking about the same and for the first time in days, self-doubt and I parted ways.

Anyway, I have only just ticked one of the four major things I have to do today but it’s satisfying. And it got me to thinking, hard work and maybe just working really hard on one little thing is perhaps its own reward. Even when the sum of all effort equals ticking one seemingly 'insignificant' thing on your mammoth list, it can render you incapable, if only for one sunny afternoon, of being envious of comrades, the richer, debt-free, better travelled friends. It's all about believing in your own work,  running your own race and knowing that everyone including you are exactly where you're meant to be. It's about starting somewhere on that endless list of readings, chores and job applications and staking claim to the result. Maybe one day, even my happy place will be upgraded to a sunnier more Pina Colda friendly environment. Uptill then, its enough knowing that productivity has a way of making me my own biggest fan, and it's the only thing that can stem the last semester blues.

I also realised that being holed up in my room gets me nowhere but to anxiety town so I drove down to a lakeside café. And I actually completed a tutorial due tomorrow midst murmurs, business meetings and my favorite lakeside characters – the gulls. To be surrounded by life is a wonderful thing.

(Lake Burley Griffin, Canberra)

Plan for the rest of the day is to actually sit down and draw up that timetable I’ve convinced myself will be the end of all my problems, catch up on a lecture and make a start on my 220 page article for a presentation due in a couple of days.

Writing this made me realize that I actually do get some peace from condensing all these thoughts on paper (blog) so I’ll  make an effort do it more often. For now, I sign off slightly (as opposed to alarmingly) overwhelmed …with a chance of finding my feet somewhere on the horizon.

Ps. As I signed in to read other blogs, I happened across the stats for mine. I actually have people (other than myself!) reading this. *mind blown *and Thank You for stopping by!